So I became philosophical, perhaps I could make a deal with God. I would 'accept' the decision (not like I had too much of a choice, I had made it in the first place); in exchange God will mercifully not allow me to carry that burden for too long. He will call me to himself early and release me from this huge mistake. Perhaps those were the wrong thoughts and my spiritual director chastised me that it was wrong to ask God to shorten my life rather than submit to his will.
Anyways having being suitably chastised and while thinking about everything and what my next move will be, I received a revelation from God. He told me it wasn't so much that he couldn't grant me my wish, but that I wasn't quite ready. I had missed one important thing, I couldn't come to heaven alone because the journey to heaven was not one made alone. He could not call me until I had told and showed others the way to heaven because he desired that no one should be lost (2 Peter 3:9).
I know it may seem funny that someone who has been a Christian from birth had not realized and keyed into such an important mission but with that revelation, God has opened my eyes to see and understand better this injunction in scripture. Beginning with the great commission in Matthew 28:19, and other related scriptural passages such as Luke 14:23, John 1:40-42,45-46, John 15:16, Ezekiel 3:17-21, 33:7-9, John 14:31, Isaiah 40:6-9, God enjoins us to seek out others and proclaim the message of the good news to them, to lead them to encounter him, to know the truth and to bear fruit.
In the spirit of the new evangelization, the Holy Father Pope Francis in his apostolic exhortation Evangelii Gaudium, encourages the faithful to 'Go Forth' in accordance with this divine injunction. Below are some excerpts I have copied out from this exhortation:
"The word of God constantly shows us how God challenges those who believe in him “to go forth”. Abraham received the call to set out for a new land (cf. Gen 12:1-3). Moses heard God’s call: “Go, I send you” (Ex 3:10) and led the people towards the promised land (cf. Ex 3:17). To Jeremiah God says: “To all whom I send you, you shall go” (Jer 1:7). In our day Jesus’ command to “go and make disciples” echoes in the changing scenarios and ever new challenges to the Church’s mission of evangelization, and all of us are called to take part in this new missionary “going forth”. Each Christian and every community must discern the path that the Lord points out, but all of us are asked to obey his call to go forth from our own comfort zone in order to reach all the “peripheries” in need of the light of the Gospel."
"The Church which “goes forth” is a community of missionary disciples who take the first step, who are involved and supportive, who bear fruit and rejoice. An evangelizing community knows that the Lord has taken the initiative, he has loved us first (cf. 1 Jn 4:19), and therefore we can move forward, boldly take the initiative, go out to others, seek those who have fallen away, stand at the crossroads and welcome the outcast."
Let us then, faithful to our Lord's teaching take this bold step. And if we have already started, continue on this mission trusting and dependent solely on God to see us through. Therefore my friends, I conclude by saying in the words of Christ, "Arise, let us be on our way" (Mark14:42, John14:31)
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